504 Main by Holly Lefevre: Possibly, Slightly DRUNK!

1.05.2011

Possibly, Slightly DRUNK!

No, that word is not describing me! Rather that is the prompt I chose for this week's Writer's Workshop. I may have a personal story or 2...but I am not telling on myself. Instead I shall bring you a tale of love, weddings, an aunt's credit card, and too much bad beer.
Have I mentioned before that my family may be, just may be a little nuts? If you are unfamiliar, you can read about the chickens or the crazy aunts or the wedding toast. If you want to read about My-Big-Not-Supposed-To Be-Redneck Wedding, keep on going. Names have been concealed to protect EVERYONE.

My cousin C was all set to get married to a very nice girl D (yep, we all liked her). On the big day, my immediate family and I headed out to meet up with the rest of the family for a pre-ceremony gathering. We arrived at the house just as the ice chest were being packed....why you ask? What!? You have never drank Coors Light in the church parking lot? Come on now, those ceremonies are so long and tedious and unnecessary, right? (For the record, I went in the church to find a seat.)

After a round or two in the parking lot, everyone headed inside for a nice ceremony. The clan seemed to survive the ceremony unscathed (whew!)! And so on to the reception we went...that is where the fun begins for real!

First the cousins were none-to-happy that is was a cash bar...so back and forth to the car they went for the cheap beer...until Crazy Aunt M misplaced her credit card and one of the cousins found it. Can you say "The next 20 rounds are paid for?" Oh yeah, Crazy Aunt M was already DRUNK. That was the beginning of the end for most of the crew, but at this moment the bride and groom are doing well and seem happy. The groom, possibly a little DRUNK...or possibly a lot DRUNK!

The dancing begins and everyone is having a good time (sort of). My brother and his very pretty, athletic girlfriend start dancing. Up to this point I had failed to mention what she was wearing. It was not meant to be risque, but it was a fashion mistake...a lightweight ivory jumpsuit with a white thong that pretty much every dude in the place could see and had seen and made a comment about from the moment they saw it. I mean she did have a nice butt, but ick! In her defense, she was young and didn't even think about this little issue.

The party continues and my cousin...the groom...starts to flirt with her. He makes mention of her butt and how gorgeous it is (he may not have used those precise words). Finally he insists on dancing with her. She is young (and not so bright, but pretty) and says OK...to a slow dance. Beyond the fact this this was already inappropriate, he begins to fondle her see-thru-thonged-butt on the dance floor in front of everyone. 

You can imagine how happy the bride was? She grabbed him, drug him out of the room (my Dad was following close behind to make sure she did not kill him) and straight to the big-ole 4 x 4 pickup in the parking lot. In her big white dress, she drove the groom home while my Dad say between them (still to keep her from killing him) and holding my cousins head out the window to he could puke.

And they did not live happily ever after. 

Might I add in case you did not know or remember), that I was a wedding planner and if you think that is the end of my drunk wedding stories...you are wrong! It is just always more fun to relive family memories. Ah good times!
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Mama's Losin' It

27 comments :

  1. ROFLMAO!!! Oh my word. Your story had me at tailgating the wedding ceremony. (I've got a vision of a big game day tailgate in the parking lot, only in nice clothes, in my head). I can imagine you have many a tale to tell! :>

    I saw Kat's prompts this week and figured there would be some good stories to come from them, but yours is the first I've read and I'm SO glad I did!

    Hope your week is going well, Holly!:>

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  2. Too funny Holly. I bet you would see quite a bit of weddings gone bad.

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  3. Holly,
    You're SUCH a good writer. You just bring that story to life!! Oh my goodness! What a complete nightmare for the bride. And so funny but alos, actually, so sad. How awful to even *want* to fondle someone else's bum on your own wedding day when you have the girl of your dreams beside you.

    Sarahx

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  4. I bet you DO have tons of stories! Telling tales on family! hehehe Isn't that fun. :)
    thanks for sharing a story of young (goofy) people. Isn't it nice to be older and wiser? lol
    gail

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  5. Holly, you absolutely crack me up! I have so missed being able to stop in regularly. Now that we're getting settled into our new place, I promise I'll be back to my frequent visits. :)

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  6. Holly, you absolutely crack me up! I have so missed being able to stop in regularly. Now that we're getting settled into our new place, I promise I'll be back to my frequent visits. :)

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  7. How funny, Holly! I can just imagine how mortified the bride felt.
    Happy New Year to you! All the best wishes of dreams fulfilled.

    www.angiemuresan.com

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  8. Giggle, laugh, snort, great post!
    Hopping over to say Hello and HAPPY Thursday.
    Hugs, Katherine

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  9. Hi-Larious! Sounds like that marriage was doomed right from the start.

    I kept hearing Jeff Foxworthy's voice in my head while I was reading..."you might be a redneck if.." Bwa Ha Haa!

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  10. I knew there was a reason they banned all alcohol from the parking lot at my church. I have a cousin that might have done this too.

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  11. Hilarious!! More stories like this please....more, more, more!

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  12. omg Holly!! lololololol

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  13. OH my goodness...what an ominously hilarious story!!! WOW! You made my evening...

    Glad my wedding didn't go quite like that!

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  14. On his wedding night? Not that it would have been any better any other night...but man oh man!

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  15. Tee hee...the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of this post was Jeff's 40th!

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  16. Wow ... what a douche. :P No offence haha

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  17. OH dear! That is crazy! But if you knew my family, it would be par for the course... Great story!
    And I know I still have to get back to you, it has just been SOO busy, I'm probably going to have an anurysm this weekend when i stop for an hour... Check with you soon! :)

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  18. Oh my goodness this was too funny!
    I could picture it all - unfortunately in the case of the thong part of the story. haha. Great story!! :)

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  19. I would have KILLED my husband! What a jerk!

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  20. Oh wow.. at least he waited until after the ceremony to be a scumbag. I imagine the trust levels in that marriage were high.

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  21. Great story! I have a similar one that took place at a friend's wedding. The groom in this case wasn't as blatantly obvious which is too bad because it took her about 10 years to figure out what a loser he was.

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  23. That is tragically, epically hilarious!

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  24. You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.!!!!

    I should HOPE they didn't live happily ever after! And shame on your dad for ensuring no one (ie the groom) was hurt! That man deserved what he had coming to him!!!

    Did make me laugh, though ;)

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  25. OMG. That's tragic and funny all at the same time. Hey, at least it was a good party, right?

    http://mommyslittlemonsterblake.blogspot.com/

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  26. haha !! THATS HILARIOUS !!! love your post... and your blog... first time reader.. but will be back !!

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  27. That.is.hilarious!!!!

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Thanks for stopping by! I read and appreciate all of your sweet words and the time you have spent on my blog. I try hard to respond to comments and visit your blogs... eventually, but I will be honest life is pretty crazy right now!

Thanks for swinging by my place. See ya soon!