No, that word is not describing me! Rather that is the prompt I chose for this week's Writer's Workshop. I may have a personal story or 2...but I am not telling on myself. Instead I shall bring you a tale of love, weddings, an aunt's credit card, and too much bad beer.
Have I mentioned before that my family may be, just may be a little nuts? If you are unfamiliar, you can read about the chickens or the crazy aunts or the wedding toast. If you want to read about My-Big-Not-Supposed-To Be-Redneck Wedding, keep on going. Names have been concealed to protect EVERYONE.
My cousin C was all set to get married to a very nice girl D (yep, we all liked her). On the big day, my immediate family and I headed out to meet up with the rest of the family for a pre-ceremony gathering. We arrived at the house just as the ice chest were being packed....why you ask? What!? You have never drank Coors Light in the church parking lot? Come on now, those ceremonies are so long and tedious and unnecessary, right? (For the record, I went in the church to find a seat.)
After a round or two in the parking lot, everyone headed inside for a nice ceremony. The clan seemed to survive the ceremony unscathed (whew!)! And so on to the reception we went...that is where the fun begins for real!
First the cousins were none-to-happy that is was a cash bar...so back and forth to the car they went for the cheap beer...until Crazy Aunt M misplaced her credit card and one of the cousins found it. Can you say "The next 20 rounds are paid for?" Oh yeah, Crazy Aunt M was already DRUNK. That was the beginning of the end for most of the crew, but at this moment the bride and groom are doing well and seem happy. The groom, possibly a little DRUNK...or possibly a lot DRUNK!
The dancing begins and everyone is having a good time (sort of). My brother and his very pretty, athletic girlfriend start dancing. Up to this point I had failed to mention what she was wearing. It was not meant to be risque, but it was a fashion mistake...a lightweight ivory jumpsuit with a white thong that pretty much every dude in the place could see and had seen and made a comment about from the moment they saw it. I mean she did have a nice butt, but ick! In her defense, she was young and didn't even think about this little issue.
The party continues and my cousin...the groom...starts to flirt with her. He makes mention of her butt and how gorgeous it is (he may not have used those precise words). Finally he insists on dancing with her. She is young (and not so bright, but pretty) and says OK...to a slow dance. Beyond the fact this this was already inappropriate, he begins to fondle her see-thru-thonged-butt on the dance floor in front of everyone.
You can imagine how happy the bride was? She grabbed him, drug him out of the room (my Dad was following close behind to make sure she did not kill him) and straight to the big-ole 4 x 4 pickup in the parking lot. In her big white dress, she drove the groom home while my Dad say between them (still to keep her from killing him) and holding my cousins head out the window to he could puke.
And they did not live happily ever after.
Might I add in case you did not know or remember), that I was a wedding planner and if you think that is the end of my drunk wedding stories...you are wrong! It is just always more fun to relive family memories. Ah good times!