504 Main by Holly Lefevre: Thought for the {Fri}Day

10.02.2009

Thought for the {Fri}Day

Typically I just write my stories and thoughts without preparation, but this one has been brewing since Monday…and I just couldn’t stop it, so I have been taking notes throughout the week. I was inspired to share my own thoughts on mommyhood, so here it is…

He is Not Me
As a mom I have flashes of brilliance, with a lot of sparks and misfires in between. This post today is about a spark that has taken me way too long to realize (I am still working on it)...

I am the mom that still walks my 8 year old up to the classroom door and waits until he is inside. I am the mom who despite her sons pleas to “Please can you just do big kid drop off” continues to do this. Joe is growing up...and I cannot stop it - I mean, obviously I know that, but I just couldn’t (or didn’t want to) really see it. Honestly, it wasn’t until my daughter was born two years ago that I even really realized this was happening.

By profession, I am a wedding planner. I admit it, I like plans! I thought way back when that when I was pregnant with Joe that I could plan out his life, mold this child to be who I wanted him to be. I figured that if I was focused and driven and (slightly) competitive he would be too. If I liked arts and crafts, he would too. Ha! I very quickly (like within minutes of the birth) realized the joke’s on me!

Joe has a unique and quirky sense of himself, which I often do not understand right away. Because of that, I admit that I find myself riding his ass -  “good behavior…respect…manners…pay attention…focus.” I want him to be the best he can be, to be respectful, polite, and caring. Every now and then I step out of my mom shoes and objectively look at him. When I do, I realize he is all of those things and more.

Joe is loving and brilliant, persistent and insistent, intense and purposeful (when he wants to be). Did I mention persistent? He hugs and kisses me all the time - I am waiting for the day some kid makes fun of him for this - although I am not sure he will even care...and he always wants to snuggle.

When I think about the boy I have raised thus far and how to raise him to be the teenager and man I hope he can be, the most important thing I have realized is that he is his own person - a fine, loving, bright person – and most importantly, he is not me.


15 comments :

  1. Yes...those apron stings are very tough and sturdy but we must try to release them at some point. My son had a hard start in life so I tended to be "overprotective" too. But, like you, realization hit and I had to learn to accept him and give him the chance to grow in confidence and maturity. Is it easy? No. But is it the right thing to do? Yes.

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  2. That is a wonderful post. I have to say, now that my son is in Kindergarten and doesn't have to be walked in, I barely stop the car when I drop them off at school. Okay...I slow down enough so they don't get hurt on their way out!

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  3. PS I have something for you over at my blog today!

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  4. I know it's tough; my 4th grader begged me to let her walk herself to class every day this year and I obliged. But, funny thing is, she still wants me to wait right outside her class at the end of the day, the part I actually don't like doing. Go figure.

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  5. I think that your parental, and maternal instincts are natural. And although my perspective as a dad might be somewhat different, I am still a parent. While I was protective of my children as they grew ( they're all adults now ), their mother was even more so. It was much easier for me to let go than for mom. AS they got older, I was always more willing to let the leash out farther than she, and I can still remember our conversations about it.

    If you think back to your own childhood, as we got older, we wanted more freedom, and wanted more space between us and them.

    I think it's okay to loosen the ties a bit as they get older, and as long as you do it with common sense and their safety in mind, you'll be okay. Sure, you'll cringe inside, but that's what letting go is about.

    Joe sounds like a great kid, and you a proud mom.

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  6. Holly, thank you so much for continuing to pop by and let me know! I love this post. My daughter is but 13 months old and already I cry sometimes (don't tell anyone - I might have to kick you or something)at how fast its going. It was a ginormous struggle to get pregnant and she is just the most awesomest thing ever. Tomorrow she's going to be 30 and blogging about her aging mother and changing diapers! Joe sounds like a phenomenal person and that's because he has such an awesome loving caring mother!

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  7. What a great post, Holly. Well-said. You have everything to do with Joe being such a neat kid!

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  8. Darling Daughter is straddling the fence somewhat. She wants me to walk her to class every day, but when I go to kiss and hug her goodbye, she won't kiss me back, and barely will hug me. Makes me a little cuckoo because I love her hugs and kisses.

    Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

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  9. You are blessed to have such a snuggley fella!

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  10. i love steph too - saw that post and i even commented that it took the birth of my daughter a year ago, to realize that my son was no longer my BABY and to not do so much stuff for him that he was clearly capable of doing himself, but i know ... it's tough!

    you've got a lot of my followers and people i follow on your blog roll, so looks like we're all in good company!

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  11. Your a wedding planner, how exciting! Great post, by the way. I can only imagine how I will feel when I need to "cut the cord." He is only 4 and I have a little baby girl and the time will come for me as well. Beautifully written! Saw your comment on the Sevin Family blog and wanted to stop over. Great place you have here! Would love to follow if you follow as well. :)

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  12. Great post, Holly! My oldest is 16 and driving now. It's so hard and so rewarding all at the same time.

    I have an award for you at my blog! Come on by and pick it up!

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  13. Mom, wait till your BABY GIRL!! starts to school. Bring the tissues. I remember those days. Now I watch my grandbabies when I can. Keep Up The Great Mommy Days!! Thanks Kathy.

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  14. Mom, wait till your BABY GIRL!! starts to school. Bring the tissues. I remember those days. Now I watch my grandbabies when I can. Keep Up The Great Mommy Days!! Thanks Kathy.

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  15. Thanks all for the great comments and for stopping by! I will see you soon at your place.

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Thanks for stopping by! I read and appreciate all of your sweet words and the time you have spent on my blog. I try hard to respond to comments and visit your blogs... eventually, but I will be honest life is pretty crazy right now!

Thanks for swinging by my place. See ya soon!