Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Getting "Back to Blogging" with SITS...He is Not Me

Today is the actual day!
One year...
I do not even wan to think of how
many hours I have spent on the computer!
{the link for the blogday celebration giveaway
is at the bottom of the post!}

The topic of today's SITS "get back to blogging" challenge is:
"Re-upload a post you wish more people had read and explain why it was important to you."
Typically I just write my stories and thoughts without preparation - I just sit down and do it - notes don't work for me...but the idea behind this post had been brewing for some time and I could not keep it all straight in my head...and then it was not quite right, or maybe I was not quite ready to publish it yet. I talk about the kids in generalities {even write their names}, but do not go into too much personal detail...so it was "scary" to hit PUBLISH POST for this one. I was unsure of how it would come across, if I would be able to convey the feelings and emotions I wanted to.

I find this post to be even more relevant as my son grows older. I need to accept his personality, his decisions, his journey to become who he is meant to be, not who I envision him being. I love who he is and what he is becoming, but we have many differences in our basic personalities that makes this a challenge sometimes. I am looking for new ways to connect with him as he grows out of "little boyhood."

Here are a few of my own thoughts on mommyhood.
{with a few edits since the first publishing date}
October 2, 2009
He is Not Me
As a mom I have flashes of brilliance, with a lot of sparks and misfires in between. This post today is about a spark that has taken me way too long to realize (I am still working on it)...

I am the mom that still walks my 8 (now 9) year old up to the classroom door and waits until he is inside. I am the mom who despite her son's pleas, “Can you just do big kid drop off?” continues to do this. Joe is growing up...and I cannot stop it - I mean, obviously I know that, but I just couldn’t (or didn’t want to) really see it. Honestly, it wasn’t until my daughter was born two (now three) years ago that I even really realized this was happening.

By profession, I am a wedding planner. I admit it, I like plans! I thought way back when that when I was pregnant with Joe that I could plan out his life, mold this child to be who I wanted him to be. I figured that if I was focused and driven and (slightly) competitive he would be too. If I liked arts and crafts, he would too. Ha! I very quickly (like within minutes of the birth) realized the joke’s on me!
our fantabulous castle we built together

Joe has a unique and quirky sense of himself, which I often do not understand right away. Because of that, I admit that I find myself riding his ass -  “good behavior…respect…manners…pay attention…focus.” I want him to be the best he can be, to be respectful, polite, and caring. Every now and then I step out of my "mom shoes" and objectively look at him. When I do, I realize he is all of those things and more.

Joe is loving and brilliant, persistent and insistent, intense and purposeful (when he wants to be). Did I mention persistent? He hugs and kisses me all the time - I am waiting for the day some kid makes fun of him for this - although I am not sure he will even care - at this point his peers opinions do not seem to bother him at all (how much do I hope that continues?)...and he always wants to snuggle. He is kind and loving with his sister beyond my wildest dreams. He thinks she hung the moon (and visa-versa).

When I think about the boy I have raised thus far and how to raise him to be the teenager and man I hope he can be, the most important thing I have realized is that he is his own person - a fine, loving, bright person – he is wonderful and amazing in his own way...and most importantly, he is not me.
mothers day 2009
The ladies at SITS are having a "get back to blogging and jump start your blog" challenge all week long. I thought this was perfect timing - I was already planning on doing a few of the topics anyway. To sweeten the deal, the event is sponsored by Standards of Excellence, Westar, and Florida Builder Appliances!
Tomorrow is another SITS "back to blogging" post: 
"Re-upload a post with a title that you are particularly proud of and explain why."
Thanks everyone for reading and visiting,
especially during these crazy days.
Want to win one of these beauties?
 Go visit this post to ENTER!

Today is the real day - the actual Blogday.
Now,I must go bake myself a cake now.


  1. I can't believe you've only been blogging a year, your blog feels like such a fixture in the blogosphere... maybe that's a symptom of your planning abilities :) This is a beautiful post, very nicely written.

  2. Great post, Holly! I can relate to quite a bit about you & your boy when I think about mine. :> Very sweet and reads quite honest. Hope you do bake a cake for yourself! Happy blog birthday! :>

  3. great post - some of the hardest moments i have experienced as a mom are the ones where I bit my tongue or sat on my hands to let my child experience disappointment or other emotions... it's always tough, no matter how old they are...

    happy blogiversary too!

    stopping by from the b2b challenge at sits

    my day 2 post is http://bit.ly/agGitX if you get a chance to stop by

  4. Love this post Holly. It is hard as a Type A driven person to step back and allow my children to be who they are sometimes. I admit, it's harder to relate to some of my kids than others. *sigh* I try though. :D

  5. Happy Happy Blogaversary Holly!

    It was so lovely to read this post. I think you have summed up the sentiments of many mothers in this post, me included!

    Best wishes,

  6. Yes yes yes... Happy Blogaversary Holly! I love your thoughts here, and I am so jealous that he thinks his sister hung the moon! (if only! what is your secret??)
    He is a very gorgeous kid and that castle is fantabulous.
    Love the post. Nice to see more of your family too :)

  7. My oldest is only 4 yrs old but he is starting to want to do things on his own. Whether he is doing it right or wrong, I need to start letting him be his own person...very hard! What a great post this is.

    Happy Blogaversary

  8. What a great post! It's so true...we are so busying trying to make our kids so perfect we forget to stop and look at the person they have become!

    I'm tough on my son too. The other day I reflected back to see the person he's becoming is not me but himself!

    Come by and check out my Getting Back to Blogging post...

  9. Happy Blog Birthday to youuuuuu.... (Do I sound like Mahalia Jackson? In my head, I do.)

    I am so blog naive that I don't know what the whole SITS thing is so now I'll have to look and see.
    I do love the idea of posting an older post. Wish I had seen this earlier because I have many that sat in the echo chamber of my blog which could resurface pretty easily.

    I love this one that you brought back to the top! I was a mom just like you and STILL struggle with remembering that they are not "ME" but their own individual selves. You are blessed to have such a wonderful little man in your life.

  10. SUCH a great post - thanks for sharing. I am also a "planner" (personality, not profession) and totally ride my kids arses as well. But now I am reading a book about how to be a "gutsy girl" and have been thinking about how I need to do less "good girl / good boy" training and do more letting them be their unique, strong, wonderful selves. Visiting from SITS B2B! :-)

  11. Thanks for reposting Holly. It sounds like you are doing everything right and I look forward to reading more about him as he grows.

  12. Happy ONE YEAR!! and I know what you mean...it's so hard to let our babies grow up!

  13. I love what you said about him thinking his sister "hung the moon"....it is fabulous! I just sent my almost 4 year old to Pre-school and it is torture seeing her grow up so fast....wanting to be in school rather than at home "safe" with me. I will probably be the parent that buys a 11 passenger van so I can take every kid home that can't have a parent pick them up and make sure they get home safely.....Yikes! Your a fantastic mom, because you "see" your kids for who they are and might be. Congrats on the Blogdayversary! Oh, and thanks for visiting my new blog withgreeninmind, you are so kind to comment.

  14. Beautiful post Holly! It is so hard to let go of our images that we conjured up for our children while they were infants. All those nights up with them, feeding, holding and dreaming of what they would become as they grew up. My daughter is 12 and I am having a hard time letting go of what I think she should be and who she is. She is so beautiful in her own way and slowly I am seeing it. Thank you for sharing this post!

  15. Lovely post.Congratulations on your blogiversary!

  16. Your post is precious... and so is your little boy.:) congrats on your blogging bday!!! I loveeee reading your stuff.. and I look forward to another year.

  17. I love this. It's so hard for me to get my fingers out of the pot, so to speak, with my son.

    When he has problems with friends, I try to figure out what happened and make it better. Meanwhile, he isn't even upset, nor is his friend.

    I'm the one getting uptight, and I need to cool it now. It's so hard, because, you know, it's your heart.

  18. Holly, Happy Blogoversary! I enjoyed this post as much today as I did when you first published it. The one thing that has changed is that Joe has really grown and matured in the past year. I'm in awe of his brotherly devotion and care for Jules. We often complain about our children's lack of focus, but when it comes to Joe's focus on Jules and her well-being, he's totally tuned in. He is so polite, and completely floored me when he carried in my groceries.

  19. Great post. I still think that I might be able to instill my passion for literature to my children, but only time will tell. You are right OUR kids are not US.

    I must say your blog is rocking very well.

  20. Great post! I have an openly affectionate and cuddly teenager and I too worry that will stop someday.

  21. Great post...great mom. I'm having so much fun reading all the old posts that the SITS gals have inspired everyone to put up again. I should really get on that.

    How are you girl????? I miss you. I just wanted to come over to say hi and say where the hell was I all summer????

    Miss you tons! Come play soon. :)

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner

  22. Anonymous4:28 PM

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  23. Such a great post. I'm glad you re-posted it!

    I don't have kids, but I do have an adorable 5-year-old nephew who is growing up WAY too fast and is so totally his own person. I want to keep him little and hugable forever, but I'm finally accepting that it's just not gonna happen.

  24. Beautiful entry about your son. How smart you are to recognize his individuality at this young age. I love the picture of him in the red-striped shirt. He's gorgeous!

  25. I remember that post Holly. And one of the things I learned from your blog was that cool map you made that showed the kids where the prizes were in the house.

  26. You're so right; our kids are not us. I have four, and the oldest is 23. And I still find myself trying to superimpose my own view of the universe onto their behavior. Which means, of course, that I'm constantly surprised when they make the choices they do! They're great kids, living great lives. They just remind me daily, "Mom, I'm not you!"

  27. This is a great post! How fun to read and how true. As my kids grow up and I have to let them be who they are - it's a struggle. I'm so proud of them but I still find myself expecting them to act like me. Good thing for them they don't!!

  28. Holly, I have been waiting to read this post until I could really sit down and "read" it. I love the way you articulated your feelings for Joe. I think all of us parents can relate. He is a lovely person (just like his Mom)!


Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation! I sure hope you come back for more!