504 Main by Holly Lefevre: What Would You Do?

7.28.2011

What Would You Do?

A couple of months ago I was invited to an event that honored a person I found to be less than honorable. I did not go. I was given some grief about this.

When I choose how to spend my time, money, and resources, I have a pretty strict set of standards. Not outrageous standards, in fact I think they are more about common courtesy, respect, and being a role model. I have a (mental) list of things I won't buy, shows I won't watch, actors and actress whose movies I will not view, musicians whose albums I will not purchase, clothing I will not wear, even ice cream I will not eat....all for different reasons. (Just a few of my quirks.)

Now here is the conflict...the event was a charity event. Generally when I am presented with a good cause I am perfectly willing to help in some way.

However, in this instance the charity and the event is set up to celebrate a person who lived their life in a less than honorable fashion - drugs, alcohol, hard partying ways that continue (this person did not ever change). It was hard for me to watch as so many I know were excited about this event, just for the sake of the event and because they thought this person was "the life of the party." To me it sent a wrong message - let's celebrate someone who broke laws, abused their body, and was generally not someone I would want to set on a pedestal as an example for my children.

Sometimes I get caught up in my own head and see only black and white with these issues. Sometimes my opinion changes when I think it through more...but I have now thought about this for awhile and I my opinion has not changed.

There are many charities who can benefit from what I have to offer and I chose to support those causes.

Am I being unreasonable? I realize in a situation like this there may not be one simple answer to cover everyone's feelings/beliefs...everyone has their opinions and decides what matters to them. I am not mad or annoyed with my friends who attended the event, it is their choice, just as it was mine not to go.

So, I ask what would you do...do you go to the event because it is a charity event or do you stand by your beliefs?

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39 comments :

  1. I would have done the same as you...

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  2. I'm at the same point in my life.....I would def stand by my beliefs! You did the right thing for you. Have a good weekend Holly!

    DeniseAngela

    http://sewcoco.blogspot.com (my new blog)

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  3. i too would have done what you did. to be honest, the charity was obviously caught up in the "draw" of the person and not their character..i am sure that they made the decision from a financial perspective..which is good for the bottom line, but not for the mission of the charity..which is more important. you have a right to spend your resources in which ever way you feel--they are yours.

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  4. My husband and I have been talking about things like this a lot lately. How, now that we are older, we value our standards more; as opposed to wanting to make others happy we are doing what we feel is right by us and our children no matter what others think or feel. Your choice was yours, and yours to make based on your values and standards. NO ONE can fault you for that. You did the right thing for you and your family. I applaud you. I tell my self this all the time and think it is a good way to live life: "The right thing to do, is not always the easy thing to do."
    As long as you are true to yourself you have done the right thing.
    And if you want my opinion, I would have done the exact same thing! My kids do not need one more Role Model that has less than desirable character!
    HUGS~
    Jenni

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  5. Hello ~ I have to thank Rook 17 {Thanks ~ Jenn}for sending me this way! I agree with you 100%, in fact, I began reading the post, and almost instantly thought wow, I'm not the only one!! Congratulations for sticking to your feelings and not giving in!!

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  6. Agreed. Standards matter, and in a world that values them less and less, standing up for them is more important that ever. Way to go!

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  7. Gosh that is hard. I don't think it was wrong to have a charity event that would raise money towards a good cause while using name/image of a person who was famous enough to garner interest for the event, and thus raise a lot of money. However with that said, more oft than nought, the people who have lived lives of character are not recognized. Instead those people who have lived life to what some might perceive as "fully", who have projected an image that made them famous others want to emulate are those who are celebrated.

    Sadly, our society is obsessed with image. People are so quick to give accolades, and praises to people who live recklessly if they had "the right image". That is why the entertainment business is booming, and a large portion of my generation can tell you the happenings of celebrities/musicians, but if questioned about things happening in our country, and around the world that matter that will affect future generations, they don't know since it is not of interest. "The mind is more taken with appearances than realities."

    Holly, I'm very proud of you for standing up for your beliefs, even though as you know, I'm sure you received flack for disappointing people who had expectations of you going.

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  8. Anonymous10:09 AM

    Hmm . . . I wonder who is making you feel unreasonable. I would have done the same as you, as well. Don't worry. Especially if we have children and want to set an example, and especially if these are people we wouldn't normally spend time with anyway.

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  9. I would have done the same, and included a donation to the charity with my "Regret I cannot attend."

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  10. If I supported the charity, I would send a donation or find another way to support it without celebrating a person whom I find less than honorable. I wouldn't worry about the grief you get form friends. As long as your conscience is happy that's all that matters. :)

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  11. Our time and resources are limited so I agree with you and would not attend, and would make sure to support a different charity instead. You made a good choice.

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  12. You did what you think is best! I would do the same. Sometimes we can only give so much and you have to review the causes. We would've done the same! Alyssa

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  13. I totally agree with you. Setting an example for your kids is even more important. Relieve your heart of that small amount of guilt and write a check to another deserving charity. It is not exactly about who you give the money too, but that you give :) Kudos Holly!!!

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  14. I totally agree with you...at work we are coerced to donate to the United Way, which is a great charity, but because it is a nearly forced contribution (my work manager during staff meetings discusses who contributed, how much and who has not contributed. It certainly feels very uncomfortable), I will not donate. I donate generously to the MDA (I have two nephews who have Duchene Muscular Dystrophy and I contribute time, money and effort liberally to that cause) and to my church, Make a Wish and several other causes which I consider very worthwhile.
    Anyway, I think that standing your ground and following your convictions are the right way to go.

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  15. I'm with you!

    I'm a big fan of the Ronald McDonald house, Hope Lodge, Gilda's House ~ that type of thing where people have no control over a horrible (health) situation.

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  16. I have done the same. I once placed my feelings to the side and did 'what was expected of me' and I ended up regretting not being true to myself. If the cause is that important to you, make a private donation with a letter explaining why you didn't attend the event.

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  17. You definitely did the right thing, which is being true to yourself. To many people are labelled as role models or what not for behaviour which is seriously lacking in morals and ethics, few of today's examples I would want my children to admire. Your time is precious and has to be shared amongst those who true deserve it.

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  18. Anonymous12:29 PM

    You know the old saying "to thine own self be true"...I agree with you 100%, I wouldn't have gone either. To celebrate something (or someone) that is not deserving is not worth your time.

    Kuddos to you for standing your ground!
    Judy

    (I can't post with google on this computer but my web site is gracioussouthernliving.blogspot.com)

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  19. You did what I would have done in the same situation. Sometimes you have to draw a line.

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  20. I would have done exactly as you did. Sometimes it's not easy to make the right decision, but it always makes me feel better in the end. My husband and I have to deal with this same thing on a daily basis with his family. His father cheated on his mother and is still with the other woman. We won't take our kids around her or be exposed to the situation because we don't want them thinking that what they did was okay. That's how we've chosen to raise our children and we have to stick by our values and morals.

    I completely get where you are coming from and applaud your decision 100%.

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  21. I think you did the right thing. Like some others said, you could make a donation to the charity if it's something you feel strongly about.

    I agree with you on some celebs, too. There are a few that, for a number of reasons, I refuse to support by watching their movies/television shows/concerts/sports, etc.

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  22. You know, sometimes our standards are different than others. I'm sad that you caught some grief about this. I am the kind of person that "if I can't way anything nice, be quiet" but it's hard to remain quiet when you have specific feelings. Just know in your heart you did the right thing!

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  23. There is nothing wrong with sticking to your standards and trying to support (or not support) what you believe in. Bravo. Some folks would cave and follow everyone else.

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  24. You have to stay true to yourself. You did the right thing. You can support that charity without attending the event. If you are now disillusioned with that charity due to their affiliation with that person, you can always support an organization geared toward a similar cause...
    You did the right thing.
    Oh, I already said that.
    Well, it bears repeating.

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  25. I would have done exactly what you did.

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  26. This post makes me like you even more!! In tough spots I usually stop to ask myself, "what decision would I want my daughter to make?" You obviously did the right thing.

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  27. I get charities using celebrities to draw in more support and donations. But, I also think you are perfectly within your right to decide whether you want to support a charity that supports someone who isn't compatible with what you believe and want to role model for your kidlets. And right now, especially with the economy the way it is, there are so many charities in need that there are plenty of places that can use money, which I think means it's even easier to walk away from an event celebrating someone who crosses your right/wrong line, even if it is for charity! Your money, your kids, your standards, your choice.

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  28. Hmmmmm......velly velly EEEEnteresting question.

    If you feel calm about your decision, it is the right one. You know how you just know what the right thing is by how you feel in your body about it?

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  29. The short answer is that I wouldn't go to an event that honored someone who I felt had no moral compass or that I didn't like as a human being. So, I don't see anything wrong with staying home.

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  30. If others went without qualms that is thier business, but you have to live with your choices and we need more black and white in our lives, everything is too gray. There just are some ways of living that should not be celebrated, so I would have done the same, I hope. But of course that in no way means we don't believe in love and grace on an individual basis, but as a people we need to celebrate healthy choices, instead of glorifying a way that harms our children watching us. You go girl!
    Lezlee

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  31. Holly I admire your strength to stand with your convictions. I feel being hypocritical is not a good trait and therefore I would not have attended nor supported this event...even for charity. There are far too many valid causes in this world that do not promote nor glamorize bad behavior. Never doubt yourself dear...

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  32. Wow! What can I say that hasn't already been said?

    We all have to live with our own choices. I raised my kids with the mantra, "Life is about choices". You made your choice. Your friends made their choice. That's it. Done. Over with.

    From what you told us... I agree with your choice. I would not have attended. I also have celebrities that I will not support because I do not approve of their choices!

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  33. I would have done the same as you. You are in charge of your life and the way you spend your time and money. We only have one life to live...and each day goes by a little faster than the last...I think that if you feel in your heart that you did the right thing, then you did.

    xoxo

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  34. I think you have to do what you can live with. You have to look at yourself in the mirror, and like who you see. I think are children make us better people, because we really WANT to be who THEY think we are.
    I think it's great that you stood your ground, and were brave enough to blog it and put it out there for public opinion.
    I respect you for that! (and adore you)
    gail

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  35. No, I think you have morals and convictions and are sticking with them- something enough people don't do.

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  36. I think you should make your decision based on what feels right for you - no explanations necessary!

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  37. I applaud you for taking a stand & have done the same - without regret. People need to realize their beliefs have value, but only when backed by their actions. I'm so tired of people who complain about the very thing they're not willing to stop supporting! I do a great amount of volunteer work for animal rescue & adamantly refuse to buy any product that endorses Michael Vick. Instead of questioning yourself, you should be questioning those who are giving you grief! Dying to know who it is - lol.

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  38. Being true to yourself is so important! It is admirable to have standards that you stick to. You said it best . . . it is your time, your money . . . it is YOUR business what you do with it.

    hmmmmmm I'd love to know who it is too :)

    Have an awesome day . . . Gina

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  39. Life is too short to spend it pleasing others. You do what you feel you should do. I don't know the whole situation but if I did not feel this person deserved to be recognized then I too would not want to attend. You have to go with what feels right for you!

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